| hahahah well, its another start of a long long week. actually, just three more days till the end of the week. its so hard to stay cheerful and positive whatever the circumstance, but i think i really thank God for making some circumstances easy to be happy in(: my classes so far are good, even in the suckiest one coughmathcough we still find stupid things to laugh about. though i guess, in school there are always a few things that make me sad or unhappy, idk i guess its really a lot easier to look on the bright side of life. i guess its in my nature to pick at the horrible things, to look and analyse them and over think everything. i wouldnt say im a perfectionist but i love things to be perfect, for things to go smoothly so i dont feel that im losing out, or that im messing something up. the more i feel somethings wrong, the more i'll think about it, and the more i think about it, the more i try to prove to myself there wasnt anything wrong in the first place. its become such a bad habit i guess i've to finally put a stop to it. all the worrying and nitpicking is making me so tired and exhausted. well i think ive realised that stress puts me in a more... micro position than macro. school work's been okay, i feel like im reaching the top of the pile. but geog ia and world lit is still on my mind, gah, much more than ee and tok actually. im pretty much in a rut about my world lit topic cus ive got sorta the same one as my classmate :/ but, I-B able to do this :D i'll find a wayyy. choir's been... tiring as usual. haha last year i really loved singing, it was like destressing and like wonderful and a joy, haha i'd look forward to it after school but somehow this year's different, the responsibility is heavier and its more of an anchor than a platform to help me step up. but i guess i cant blame anyone but myself, its my choice to shirk or to put everything in place, right? theres prac on saturday too, and last year i'd happily run off to syf prac on sats, but now i just feel a bit demoralised by it all. founders day, acs sunday, oloumouk, dont even know if i should go for prague. well, i suppose if theres one thing that keeps me going its the friends ive made in ib, church friends, and also the friends ive kept from mg(: i love what beulah told me, how you only bring a few friends from each stage of your life with you each time, and its really true and its that process that like really reminds you to treasure what you have before its gone, even if its the simple things. hahaha i bumped into nicole while walking up to class after a super hot and boring assembly (haha whats newww) and we were just talking about stuff and how everything is and it was really nice to just catch up again, even though it was only like less than five minutes. made me smile(: and i went to check out what she wanted me to look at on her blog, HAHAHAHAHA its such a dumb picture but yet it was really really really funny hahahahahaha i cant believe how hard we laughed about it heheheh. i think its like the slogging for o's, but the fact that we were all in it together that really made all the mg memories so special. i guess thats kinda different now, we all take different combis and its no longer that same... team spirit to work together to a common 45 pts but i suppose we'll get there somehow. and recently, hanging out with nats, rachel and james during choir, the group of classmates that i see in the morning and during PC, and like bumping into liana and sandra around in school + all my subject classes which i really enjoy, econs, chem, english, geog (hahah the bernarda reading was quite funny todayyy), i really miss our chinese class though ): though chinese sucked and everything, it was a nice classmates kinda class(: pc kinda makes me happy. i think its really the only "class" in which all ten of us are together(: sometimes i wish that maybe our class were closer, but i suppose i know that you guys are really all that i need. i think, though its undeniable that somehow, moving around from class to class has made things different for all of us, im still really glad i have yall. sometimes i forget to truly stand back and appreciate what i have with me. and yup i love all of you very much(: well, there are other close friends i'm so grateful for, and i think some of them read this... once in a while. hahaha but i'd feel so awkward listing it all out, you guys know who you are. your whats up wings, your i miss yous, your smsing to tell me to restrain my smsing compulses, your attempts to catch me ninjaing offline, your telling me that you prayed for me, your birthday card that i read once in a while to cheer me up, our ?? :) jokes, the random phonecalls cos you havent talked to me in ages... it really makes my day, though you might not know(: well i suppose you'd think im really cheerful and happy and like that everythings fine and dandy, but its really not. there are so many things swimming around in my head. not necessarily to do with school, but with certain people, certain feelings and certain... things. i guess all this sudden openness on this blog, which though public has this nice aura of unknowingness who will read it, is just coming cos, well theres a lot on my mind. and i keep forgetting to be thankful in all circumstances. i keep forgetting to remember the good times, like sitting in the in between of the door and the cold classroom doing math, studying on the benches but actually htht-ing more than anything, teaching someone to smile more and to turn off that suan me sign on his forehead.. ahh so many, too many to list out(: well, maybe after a longer, harder, more tiring school day or school week i might feel like im back at square one. but hopefully i'd remember to be thankful and try to turn that frown upside down. and oops, this post has turned out so crazily long. anyway, there are still so many things im worried about, so many things that have hit me real bad over the past few days. but i suppose when times are hard, God really wants us to count our blessings. hope mine have helped you count yours! smile, and dont forget to remind me to do so too(: |
